The Hardest Decision and night of my life
A decision on someone else's mental health, a phone call, to assist, to be open to being an enemy of the one you are trying to help, made for the hardest decision I think i have ever made I am hurting; they are hurting more !
Tonight was probably the hardest night, to comprehend and deal with I have ever faced in my life.
Tonight, I found my self in a situation, where if I didn’t act, more harm would most likely happen, and if I did act, the same could be true, with me being labelled the enemy to boot.
Tonight was about standing up, making a decision, and hopefully assist in breaking a cycle created by no one in particular, but perpetuated by all those who chose to look on and do nothing.
Tonight, after months and years of seeing someone very close to me decay with behavioural and personality changes that to put quite simply were not part of their DNA.
Once upon a time, I dare say probably not that long ago, and for a long long time before, people exhibiting these behavourial pecularities would have been showcased, laughed at, ignored for having any thing
sensible to say, and dehumanised proportionately in line with their inability to affectively communicate or connect with the community at that point in time.
The long term echoes and reverbs of repeated reputations leading to character assesments that potentially have lasting consequences and projected outcomes from those not wise enough to now but inexperieced enough to follow the crowd, and prejudge based upon what they have heard, as opposed to learned and experienced.
We all learn techniques of survival as we mature, some better than others, and some more out of necessity rather than curiosity. Methods like stoicism, resilience and compartmentalising are ones that come to mind. The first two, are very much inwardly focussed about how one reacts to a situation that most probably is outside our control.
The last, compartmentalising, is more a method to deal with each issue without the haze of other issues effecting the outcome of any other. That can perhaps sometimes lead to un dealt with compartments, by not dealing with all compartments, perhaps the problem has fixed itself, perhaps it hasnt, perhaps its in the too hard basket and we change our focuss so that that issue is no longer important to us. As a race, or species as a collective, I fear we do this to. We say, “one of them” to pidgeon hole and justify our inaction towards the issue, or “he bought a jeep”, justifying the issues.
Tonight was probably the hardest night for me ever, tonight I made a phone call, seeking help for someone I care about as I should, but have never really had the oppurtunity to demonstrate effectively. It might, and most probably is due to my upbringing, but tonight intervention was required. My heart could not see this issue continue to be compartmentalised undealt with, and essentially ignored allowing it
grow like a cancer and rin the very chastel it was being carried in..
Nor stoicism and sucking it up being an option either; a person was hurting, spiralling down a loud and quickly rotating drain, it was plain to see for all but them.
The ripple effects, although not loud, would have had the force of an unseen tsunami, travelling in the deepest of waters, on 1st and 2nd level contacts and family and the untold damage on the phsyche of those still impressionable, and arguably still in their formative years, would have been felt for generations to come.
Tonight, someone close to me, I hope, has been given an oppurtunity to release the shackles of involuntary stoicism and be offered a pathway to ease the burden and pain.
Tonight, I am seeking to temper the earths rythmns and assist this persons efforts of reslience to realign with that of natural order and have the wishes of their mother and father fullfilled, as any parent would want for their child.
Tonight, I only have one compartment, I wish it to be empty, but that will take time.
I wish this person, to have no undealt with issues, and understanding of what and how this eventuated, how this manifested, and how it perpetuatated.
I wish this person, the wisdom to see it again if a seedling of repetition sprouts back. I hope this person will be able to identify others who may be travelling the same path, and assits them with genuine acts of opening pathways for recovery.
Tonight, although it would seem the most opposite is true, I hope the step taken leads to empowerment, and help equip them and those who are still spectating to step up and involve them selves so we can all say with honest looks in our eyes, we are one, we are together, and we care.
The risk is however; this phone call could expediate the downward fall.
But one thing is certain, leaving the compartment undealt with, had only one outcome coming, and it wasnt going to be good. I took a risk, it was a considered risk; it may fail, I know this.
Being human, thats what we do, we consider and mitigate risks to take pathways for a desired outcomes. In my mind, to not do so, is lazy and sub human: too easy to sit, gawk and stare; some one is hurting, if you can, then do !